MMA FIght: Amputee vs. Limbs

Kyle Maynard MMA First Match: 0 out of 5 stars

So I don't do this quite often- I am movie reviewer, not a sports reviewer. But I have to definately write something about this. First of all....I really don't think Kyle Maynard should be doing MMA. I mean, you need hands and legs to strike punches and kicks....yet he doesn't even have one leg or one arm! Like....check out the link on youtube...he look like a dog, but a real dog can actually attack. I remember the time when my pet dog attack me- I give props to my dog. but not to Maynard.

Just out of curiosity- I think it would be completely gross touching a knub while fighting. How would you like if you were wrestling and got knubbed in your face? EWWWWW!!!!

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li Movie Compendium

Rating: 0/5 stars

There was a Street Fighter movie made in the 90s starring Jean-Claude Van Damme and Raul Julia which was seen as the poster-child of why video games make bad movies. That movie was so bad because of plot, acting, and corniness.

Enter the newest installment of the Street Fighter movie "franchise." The Legend of Chun-Li obviously focuses on Chun-Li's story in the world of Bangkok, Thailand ruled by M. Bison. Ironically, M. Bison (supposed to be an Asian man in the video game) is played by the bad guy from Walking Tall (a very white dude). His character thus seems a little strange. Also, the violence in this movie is self-indulgent to say the least. Half of the things that happen are so uneccessary that they seem ridiculous.

Also strangely present in this movie is a lesbian dance scene between Chun-Li and M. Bison's woman. It lasts for like 5 minutes and is so freaking strange.

Overall, this movie might be in the top 5 of the worst movies of all time... maybe. Definately do not waste the 8 bucks or whatever you pay to see it in theaters. If you are really bored in about 3 weeks (since that's how long it will be until it's on video) rent it. Michael Clark Duncan is the bomb in this movie though.

Purple Rain Movie Compendium

Rating: 1/5 stars

So this movie is basically a 2-hour music video that centers around "The Kid" (Prince) and his band (the Revoloution) trying to make it big while playing regularly at a club. The popular act is of course Morris Day and The Time, so Prince's band is living in their shadow. He meets some skank, and there are a lot of inappropriate scenes that need skipped, but there is a bright spot in the movie...

No, it's NOT THE ACTING!!!

It's the three amazing performances of the movie. The first is Morris Day and the Time performing one of the greatest songs of all time, "Jungle Love." The second is by Morris Day and the Time and it is "The Bird." This features an amazing dance ("The Bird) and a lot of "Skwak!! Halleluia!". This song is absolutely awesome. The final is of course the Magnum Opus of "Purple Rain" performed by the Revolution. It's the climax of the movie, so it's pretty good. Overall this movie has an awful plot, even worse acting, and freaking sweet music.... so it's a really bad movie, but a decent music video.

Pursuit of Happyness Movie Compendium

Rating: 2 out of 5

I have mixed feelings with this movie, first of all...they spelled happiness wrong. They bring in the best directors and producers and yet they can't even spell happiness right.

Honestly, this is one of Will Smith's bad movies in his life. Hands down, Hancock was the best movie Will Smith has been in, along with I Am Legend.

Well I guess this movie is about him being a lazy father who can't seem to get his act together, forcing his baby's momma to leave and for him to take care of the fetus while he has to go on to work for free. Basically he is a poor example of a man: He can't pay the bills, he's irresponsible with family responsibility, he is irresponsible with material possessions, and he can't have a stable house for his child. I mean, he seems like a her0 at the end of the movie when he gets a job and all....but really, getting to that point- he handled it terribly.

So I guess what I got out of this movie is my life ambition. What am I pursuing to Happyness? I'm not quite sure...I guess I will be happy when I remodel a basement into a movie theater atmosphere. Thats my pursuit to happyness....because I Chinese David- I am movie reviewer.

The Rocker Movie Compendium

Rating: 4/5 stars

So this movie stars Rainn Wilson (better known as Dwight Shrute from The Office. He plays a drummer who was kicked out of his big hair band in the 80s and is washed up and living in his sister's attic. He is the last resort for his nephew's band to play at prom, so he gets back into the music business. This leads to the band practicing together using a webcam, which Dwight thinks is a microphone only, so he's practicing naked. It becomes a youtube hit and the band gets signed by a record company.

The movie focuses on many great story lines: how powerful youtube is, how you can get a record contract if you drum naked on the internet, and how emo kids these days are. Dwight gets to live out his dream of being a real rockstar in this movie, trashing hotel rooms and injuring himself with alcohol and roof jumps. The movie itself is kind of cheesy, but it is really funny. There are some very interesting statements by the band's manager about John Lennon's grave during one scene. Overall this movie is funny, and the plot isn't too stupid to not care about it. I recommend everyone see it, if only for one thing: the crazy step-dad who lives vicariously through his step-son's band.

Beyonce- Single Ladies: Music Video Compendium

The Music Video:


Parodies:



Alright...so I am a Movie Reviewer. Not a Music Video Reviewer. But I HAD to review Beyonce's new music video- Single Ladies. Ok Beyonce, if you are going to bounce around and wave your arms everywhere....expect to get parodied! Beyonce, you are a fool!

Rating: 0 out of 5 stars.

Wanted: Movie Compendium

Rating: 5/5 stars.

So the disclaimer is that I actually saw this movie over the summer at the drive-in (it was a double feature with Wall-E). I recently rented a Blu-ray copy of this movie, and it is just as good the second time as the first. It is a very violent movie, so ladies use caution when watching it. This movie definately falls into the category of ridiculously unrealistic, fun action movies. The characters in this movie can bend the path of bullets and speed up their heart rates to become superhuman. Morgan Freeman also has a great role in this movie. He leads the secret Fraternity of assassins, telling them who to kill and when to do it. These assassins follow his orders without question, thus he's the pimp of the whole operation.

Besides Morgan Freeman ruling over all the pee-ons, there is the funny comments by the main character (the guy pointing the gun in the poster). He is fed up with life and in the climax of the movie, smacks his best friend in the face with a computer keyboard. The letters that fly off the keyboard spell a nice expletive, with the letter "u" being a tooth from the aforementioned friend. You might recognize the main character from a more family-friendly role as Mr. Tumnus in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. He's a little less imposing with that girly scarf and umbrella. Overall, this movie features a faun shooting a lot of people, and a really cool car chase. Watch it!!

The Wrestler- Movie Compendium

Movie Rating: 5 out of 5

The Wrestler is a Oscar winning movie. This movie basically tells a story of a once popular wrestler and is now, 20 years later- a washed up wrestler. This is a sad but true story of people in the wrestling business. It made me become aware of the wrestling business downside, only the top 30 wrestlers in WWE are deemed successful. Outside of that, it its a financial hardship to be a wrestler. Living paycheck to paycheck. Basically this wrestler who is in his 50's is taking a beating just so he can barely make ends meet. And basically wrestling is a lifestyle- even after the main character gets a heart attack- you are forced to wrestle because of the love of the business.

Well I have a take away from this movie- the little things is what shapes your life. For instance, its just one more hit of cocaine....or its just one more peek at looking at porn....or its one more Cheeseburger to eat. Basically the little things add up and you are forced into submission for that "little thing". Basically the Ram the wrestler is wrestling "one more match" and that last match has its consequences. So i encourage you fans- what are some little things you have going on that shapes your life- that can ultimately be your demise?

Well, this is an Oscar winning movie and I approve this movie. You can actually apply some of them themes of this movie into your life. Movie of the month: January 2009.

Twilight Movie Compendium (More guest commentary)

Rating: 1/5 stars

So first of all, I'd like to thank Youtube for letting me watch most of this movie without having to waste time at the theatre. (Sorry folks, the movie has been removed now) This movie sucked for many reasons, mostly because I thought I was at some stupid emo, My Chemical Romance convention for two hours of my life. This movie is way too serious and intense to be good. The vampires (everyone but the girl in white and the dude on the right) run really fast and play baseball for some reason. They can go out in the day time without vaporizing, so Blade has one up on Twilight for that. Also, the good vampires only eat animals, but the bad ones eat people, so the blonde dude in the poster is chasing the girl in white for about 20 minutes of the movie. That part is actually a bit interesting, as he hunts her and her blood sucker friends try to hide her. Most of this movie is about the chick and the good vampire falling in love or something... do vampires love??

Overall, the special effects sucked, the acting was way over the top and they didn't have the Native American guy turn into a warewolf yet. Clearly he will be one in the next stupid movie they make. If you want to watch a good vampire movie, watch the Blade series. If you want to watch a chick flick, watch Wimbledon (that is actually a good one). This movie sucks (pun intended) as a Vampire movie and sucks (no pun intended) as a chick flick. I think even Herb would hate this pile of crap. For everyone's benefit youtube "The twilight before Christmas" it is much better. Overall, don't waste your time with this movie, and if you are a teenage girl, I'm sorry I made fun of your favorite movie of all time.

Pineapple Express Movie Compendium

5/5 Stars

This movie is awesome. It tells of the secret war between rich white people and Asians in the drug ring. The two guys in the picture (a drug dealer and a process server) get inadvertently involved in the war, and thus everything goes to crap. James Franco (driving) is the drug dealer who wants to be a civil engineer and watches reruns all day long. He shows how being an entrepreneur in today's economy is the best bet. This movie is also very educational about the many varities of marijuana that are out there. There is everything from car chases, an epic battle between the Asians and the thugs, and a guy's foot getting blown off. Also, some dude gets his ear shot off. Many good shots in this movie. Overall, for its educational value and for the sweet car chase, this movie gets two thumbs up.

A Christmas Story- Movie Compendium

Rating: o out of 5

This movie was the biggest waste of time of my life. I guess this boy wanted a toy gun for Christmas and basically the story revolves around his passion to get this gun. Well, I guess he got his gun for Christmas (the climax of the movie...). This was stupid and I can't believe this movie was put out in 1983 as a family movie! It was so violent! They should have rated this movie R!

Why do I think this movie needs to be Rated R:
- The boy beat up a boy senseless.
- There was a stripper lamp.
- The Santa Clause was insanely violent, throwing kids everywhere
- Kids swear in this movie every 3 minutes

Speaking of Rated R, I would like to talk about my favorite wrestler, the Rated R Super Star- EDGE! Here is a pic of him:






Edge is Awesome unlike this stupid movie.